Oh man. One of COPS advertisements:
What Do the Numbers 2, 15, and 25 Mean to More Than 1,500 Security Dealers Across the Country?
They think of COPS Monitoring! With 2 fully redundant Central Stations [when was COPS West supposed to open?], a 15 second average audited response time [yeah, that's been shot to hell], and 25 years of service and experience…
Numbers have a special meaning in our business. Our 2 state-of-the-art [state of the art: some of the software is over TEN YEARS OLD] central stations are fully redundant and equipped with some of the most advanced technology in the industry, allowing unsurpassed service to over 1,500 dealers who represent more than 200,000 subscribers nationwide. Our 15-second average audited response time is among the fastest thanks to our dedicated, well-trained staff [dedicated to unappreciative dealers and subscribers, ha.]. And, our 25 years of service [someone at COPS figured out we go through dispatchers about every three days!] has given us the experience to successfully unite technology with professionalism to provide you with the best in monitoring.
We view ourselves as an extension of your business. Your success is our goal [that's why we take YOUR shit.]. That’s why we respond to alarms using your company name. Acting as your silent sales force, we provide your customers with unmatched professionalism and care that directly affects retention and referrals.
We evolve, as your business needs change. In the security industry, competitive advantage plays a key role in your success. We have the key! COPS Monitoring provides you with state-of-the-art services that separate you from the others including OzVision Video Monitoring, enhanced Dealer & Subscriber COP-A-Link, VoiceCom, Internet alarm monitoring, and TeleMax [but we still can't search by address!]. And with upcoming services like e-mail alarm notification and report capabilities [should be online in oh, about TEN YEARS], we intend to keep evolving.